Have you ever experienced inner conflict, where different parts of you want different things? Or felt pulled in different directions? As if parts of you have different needs, each one fighting to be heard? Have you ever had the experience of emotions, thoughts, or physical sensations taking over your day—without fully understanding why?
If so, IFS (Internal Family Systems) might also offer you valuable tools to better understand yourself. IFS is an evidence-based psycho-emotional model that helps us navigate our inner landscape. The model is built on the core premise that we all contain a diversity of inner parts—and that all parts fundamentally have a positive intention.
I was first introduced to IFS back in 2015 as part of my training in yoga, mindfulness, and self-compassion. It’s one of the most self-loving models I’ve come across—where self-compassion isn’t just a concept, but a practice, teaching us to embrace all aspects of ourselves.
And I’m far from the only one inspired by IFS. It’s been amazing to see women like Liz Gilbert, Alanis Morissette, Glennon Doyle, and Kristen Bell—and even Brené Brown and Oprah—embrace IFS. Their honest reflections on learning to understand and embrace all parts of themselves have given others the courage and belief that we, too, can meet ourselves with more empathy and love.
If you’re curious about what IFS can do and how it’s supported my own growth, here are six valuable insights I’ve gained from working with IFS:
1. Understanding My Inner Parts
In the past, inner critics and anxious parts would take over in stressful situations. IFS helped me see that even the parts of me that feel negative actually have a positive intention—they’re trying to protect me. This understanding has made it easier to meet those parts with openness and curiosity. I simply understand myself and my system better now.
2. Listening to the Wisdom of My Body
I used to ignore my body’s signals—stress, tension, or restlessness. But IFS, combined with yoga and mindfulness, has shifted how I perceive these sensations. Now I see them as messengers carrying something important. For example, when I feel tightness in my chest or butterflies in my stomach, I pause and ask my body what it needs. This has given me a new sense of calm.
3. Balancing Activity and Rest (Without Guilt)
Finding a balance between doing and resting isn’t easy—even when we know how important it is. IFS has made me more aware of how to regulate my nervous system when different parts of me need different things. I can now sense the push and pull—some parts full of energy and drive, others feeling tired or overwhelmed. Giving space to both helps me sense what I actually need, so I can rest without guilt and avoid burning out.
4. That Self-Acceptance Makes Everything Lighter
Self-criticism used to dominate my inner dialogue. But I’ve learned to meet those parts with greater compassion. When I feel under pressure or not good enough, I now listen to what those activated parts really need. Often, they just want to be seen and heard—and when I meet them that way, I immediately feel something shift inside. Over time, this has given me a more loving and accepting relationship with both my body and my mind.
5. Protecting My Energy and Trusting Myself
I’ve always had a strong gut feeling guiding me, but in the past, I often suppressed it to avoid disappointing others’ expectations. Integrating IFS into my practice has helped me listen more closely inward. It’s helped me set boundaries and protect my energy. When I stick to that, I find a deeper sense of peace and clarity, which makes it easier to navigate life’s ups and downs.
6. Setting Goals That Truly Matter
When I set goals now, I check in with my inner system to make sure it’s something all parts of me can align with. In the past, I sometimes felt pressured to set goals that didn’t feel quite right. I’ve learned to be more aware of which parts of me are driving my ambitions. I now recognize the motivations behind certain desires and can better tell whether a goal truly resonates with me. In that way, my goals become part of a meaningful process that helps me grow in alignment with the version of myself I want to become.
Warmly,
Trine x